Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Bacon Guy



Last year I cooked up several bottles of bacon-infused liquor. Thinking I was being generous when I shared said liquor with co-workers, friends, and family, I was actually creating an accidental reputation for myself. Now I'm the "Bacon Guy." Why I can't be the "Handsome Guy" or "Strong Guy" or even the "Funny Guy" is beyond me. "The Guy With The Impressive Movie Trivia Knowledge" would have sufficed. I worked so hard to be that man! But no...Bacon Guy.

So here are a few of the videos that I have been sent recently.






The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Thought for Food - Chocolate Air, Denny's & Bacon Cologne
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire BlogVideo Archive

A breakfast of bacon and blue cheese dressing....?




Thursday, April 7, 2011

Spider Season in New Jersey


It is apparently spider season in New Jersey.

When I'm walking to my car, or going to make coffee, or checking my mail I can look forward to walking through a spider web. And its not as if I'm going a different way to my car. I'm not taking a path to my mailbox that hasn't been taken since the Mayans were building these apartment complexes. I'm not turning over any bones or kicking rats out of my way to the coffee pot. It's just that there are spider webs EVERYWHERE!

It reminds me of a couple years ago when I was living with Mike and Taylor in Leeann's house. I remember walking to the car one morning and feeling a web brush my face. I wiped it off like it was nothing and got in the car. I remember driving and feeling like my shirt tag was rubbing against my neck weird, and I kept trying to readjust my neck so it wasn't rubbing and itching so awkwardly.

I got to work, started up my computer, checked my office mailbox, and then went to get my coffee from the kitchen. I'll never forget feeling something tickle my ear. I reached up to rub my ear to see if there was a piece of fuzz or something in my hair, and a black woolly spider the size of a thumbnail fell on the floor. I was scared and pissed and embarrassed, so without thinking I did a ninja-Hulk stomp squishing it and splattering it more than I expected. I'm pretty sure I screamed a ninja "HEE-YAH!" too. I haven't found a spider on my person since. Coincidence? I think I scared those little f$%kers, and the news has spread around the spider community not to mess with me.