So I rented Piranha 3DD. And I typed my thoughts throughout. Here you go:
- 5 minutes into Piranha 3DD, and so far it is very cool. Insane cameo.
- Hey! It's the hot girl intern from 30 Rock.
- 10 minutes: well....that's a new way to get out of hand cuffs...
- Slowmo beach ball vs naked boob.... Neat
- Hey! It's the crazy guy from the Aaron Rodgers State Farm commercial doing crazy things! This movie is PACKED with celebs. He's like a Pacific Islander version of Jack Black.
- Christopher Lloyd is back! And I am scared by one of the implications of his science experiment...
- "That would make Lake Victoria look like an appetizer..."
- "Take THAT, laughing diarrhea baby!" - Christopher Lloyd. (best movie quote of 2012)
- Well...a knife swipe is not how I would have handled that problem... In hindsight, I bet he agrees. Oh well, live and learn.
- Man, eff the police.
- Oh damn it, the implications of Christopher Lloyd's rant are coming true and will give me nightmares.
- Another awesome cameo! Hell yeah, Mitch pulls wool!
- Double entendre tattoo! Bet we see it again later.
- Two more awesome cameos/holdovers from the last Piranha movie!
- Uh-oh, the heroine JUST noticed a giant evil machine. [SPOILER: the piranhas are going to exploit this]
- Oh Good Lord, this was my worst fear from swimming pools.
- This movie just turned into Pulp Fiction, and it's cracking me up. "It's titanium mother f$(?ers!"
- Silliest death ever.
- Ok. That's a silly death, too.
- Hahahah! Good ending.
So...this is not the worst movie I've seen this year. That being said, I really wanted to like this movie. Ever since I read that Piranha 3D was going to have a sequel I wanted to see this. When I read that it was so bad that Dimension films only had it in theaters for a couple days, then pulled it, and ultimately opted to screen it as Video-On-Demand (making it Facebook's ever streaming 3D movie) I only wanted to see it more.
I think the two silly deaths I noted wouldn't have been so silly if I had seen this in 3D instead of 2D, but oh well. I'm sure they're still silly when it looks like they're coming right at you. The Christopher Lloyd implication that scared me so bad? It only came to fruition in a dream. So, no nightmares for me. Kind of a letdown.
This movie wasn't nearly as thrilling or as blood-lustful as the first. Nor is it as clever. Nor are the characters are likable. Nor is it as scary or bloody. The boobs, though...are almost as good. Where Piranha 3D was a B-movie that was really fun and satisfyingly gruesome, this is satisfying for being a very cheesy B-movie.
I will say that the worst thing about this movie was a gag reel during the credits. This is something that B-movies should not have. If you're a B-movie, you don't get to make fun of yourself after spending 1.5 hours making fun of yourself. And the heavy cameo of the movie...he definitely thinks he's a lot funnier than he really is. His contribution to the gag reel made me dislike his entire participation in the movie.
If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't watch this by myself. Mike and I were talking earlier this week, and he described a movie that was so bad he wanted to watch it with friends so that everyone could appreciate and enjoy its badness together. That's how I feel about Piranha 3DD. It should be a group experience (especially considering the rental price is almost as much as a movie ticket because of the limited VOD release). The perfect movie to watch after a day in the lake/beach/river/etc. when your arms are tired, you're sunburned, you're on the verge of falling asleep sitting upright but want to keep drinking beer because -damn it- you don't get to hang out at the beach/lake/river with your friends that often, and you want to keep the party going, but not going too wild because you might be on the verge of barfing. This is that perfect, tired, summer, on-the-verge-of-barfing movie that serves a very narrow purpose, and you're not better nor are you worse for having seen it.
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