50 Nights of Horror 2014: Week 2 - Gothic Seventies Women of the Night ("Thrill Me")

This week I watched way too many B-movies from the '70s, but the silver lining is that there were lots of boobs.  So there's that.

The Believers (1987)
Genre:  Cult
Format:  VHS

This was a pretty effective film that worked for me on several levels.  First, it takes place in New York City.  Since I've moved up here, movies - especially horror movies - resonate a little bit more than they would otherwise.  Martin Sheen's performance of a single father is a great one.  I'm sure he's dropped some stinkers throughout his career, but I haven't seen one yet.  And he doesn't stumble in The Believers, either.

I'm always a little hesitant to invest in a movie when the performance of a child actor is important, but the kid in this movie is much better than the acting I witnessed last week in Audrey Rose.  So that's a strong point for me to emphasize, too.  Well done, kid Harley Cross.  You acted admirably.  One of the strongest points has to be the special effects.  The bubbling blisters, especially.

And finally, Richard effin' Masur is in the house!  Awesome.  Much respect for Richard Masur.  And he does magic.  Eat it.  The cast in general is great.  Martin Sheen.  Masur.  The cranky judge from Ghostbusters 2.  Robert Loggia.  Jimmy Smits.

But you need to know what this movie's about, so let's stop rambling.  On the one side of the movie, we have Martin Sheen doing his best to juggle his police psychiatrist career with the responsibilities of raising a kid on his own after his wife dies early in the film (pretty great death scene).  On the other side of the movie, New York City has been slowly corrupted by a Voodoo Death Cult that has somehow latched on to Sheen's son.  So Martin Sheen has his hands full.  It's a fun story.  And sometimes it's genuinely scary.  A little bit Rosemary's Baby with a dash of The Fury.

Friday the 13th Part VII:  New Blood (1988)
Genre:  Slasher
Format:  Netflix Streaming

This isn't your typical run-of-the-mill F13 entry.  It should be noted that this is Kane Hodder's first spin in the Jason role.  So that's a pretty neat piece of trivia.  And Hodder's Jason is a nice bonus to the otherwise typical Jason killings.  The film features the typical 80's cool teens vs. introspective teens with a checkered past.  But that's where this film takes an interesting twist.

The introspective teen with a checkered past has telekinesis, and this "mutant" power manifests itself when she's feeling the most anxiety.  If this sounds familiar, it's because the young woman in question seems a whole lot like Stephen King's Carrie.  In fact, this movie probably would have been more successful if it had promoted like an old Universal monster vs. monster movie:  Jason Vs. Carrie!

Otherwise, F13:7 goes along like a typical F13 movie.  The teenagers are just sympathetic enough to keep the movie going along.  So there's my brief summary.  Kane Hodder and quasi-Carrie are the memorable aspects of this one.  Everything else is typical Jason.

OH!  I almost forgot...we get extensive shots of Jason's face without the hockey mask on.  So there's that, too.

A Horrible Way to Die (2010)
Genre:  Slasher-ish Thriller
Format:  Blu-Ray

I gave this movie a try because of Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett.  IcyJones had told me about this film last year, and I just now received a copy from Netflix.  I don't want to poop on it because I know it has it's fair share of fans, but I did not enjoy it.  In my opinion, it felt like 110 minutes of buildup to 10 minutes of interesting story.  This just wasn't for me.

Night of the Creeps (1986)
Genre:  Zombies
Format:  Netflix Streaming

Yes!  This movie is everything that was great about 80s zombie films.  It's funny.  It's scary.  It's a smattering of different horror genres (zombies, aliens, slasher, etc.).  And in an odd twist, we see the female lead's boobs early on in the movie!

The relationships of the characters are pretty great, too.  We have fraternity jocks vs. nerds (always a recipe for greatness).  There's a detective that lives in the shadow of a murder case he worked as a teenager.  Two best friends/roommates working through the conflict of finding love on a college campus.

So take all of those great themes, and add flamethrowers, shotguns, cigarettes, snappy one-liners, alien worms, and...BOOBS!

I watched this movie as part of a Halloween challenge almost 10 years ago, and it's one I revisit often.  You really can't go wrong with this one.  It's in a similar vein as Return of the Living Dead, but better acted and directed.  This is one of my all-time favorites.  And it's streaming on Netflix, so don't miss out on this one.

Curtains (1983)
Genre:  Slasher
Format:  Blu-Ray

Curtains had been on my radar for a couple years, but for the longest time the movie was only available as part of a multi-movie DVD, and from what I could gather, the transfer was a piss-poor VHS transfer.  When I found that Blue Underground has released a Blu-ray of the film, I saw this as an opportunity to add what had been an elusive slasher to my collection.

This was a really entertaining, very watchable, very engaging slasher flick that I stumbled upon. The poster doesn't give the movie credit (I thought it would be dealing with a witch, not unlike Suspiria).  It is an honest-to-God, straight-forward, whodunnit slasher.

John Vernon plays a creepy, creeeepy director who invites a gaggle of beautiful women actors to his mansion to audition for a role in his upcoming project.  The catch is that each woman must audition against the other women in the home.  And for some reason, women keep disappearing (usually after having some sort of "private" audition with the director).

(he's REALLY creepy in this scene)

Early on we know we're dealing with something funky, though, because one woman is stopped on her way to the mansion by a weird doll in the middle of the road.  When she goes to remove the doll, something crazy happens, and then she's murdered (maybe).  So we're introduced to the matter of murder pretty early on.  From there, though, we're treated to some well-done standard slasher fare, but there are a couple other things at play here, too, and I don't think any of it was really bad.

In fact, much of it is genuinely beautiful.  In an ugly way.  The killer here is quite horrible to look at.  This ice skating scene in particular was shoot wonderfully.  I believe it gets most of the credit of the film.

For a bit, the movie seems disjointed, and when I watched the Blu-ray's extras, it made a little more sense.  The director had a vision of a very artistic murder movie, but the studio was looking for a more commercial slasher film.  It appears that the two met in the middle for an excellent piece of 80's horror.

It gets a little wonky sometimes, but I think it's a gem.  If I had come across it with no expectations, I would have this ranked as the top movie of the year so far.  It's comes pretty close to The Vagrant, but the crooked plot and themes of Curtains give it just an ounce of dead weight that push it out of the running.

Satan's Little Helper (2004)
Genre:  Slasher
Format:  Netflix Streaming

I feel really bad that Amanda Plummer is in this movie, because I really like her, and I really disliked this movie.

Look, I understand that the movie is made on a tiny budget, and I get that the plot depends on the audience allowing for silliness, but...still...

Here's my beef:  we have some really miserable child acting on display.  And in this kind of movie you NEED some good acting, because the bad guy here is always wearing this creepy mask.  He never talks.  And that's not necessarily a bad thing, either.  Plenty of killers never talk (Jason, Michael Myers, etc.).  But this killer does silly Looney Tunes-type gags.  And he/she is inconsistent.  The killer murders people (off-camera..dumb) indiscriminately at the beginning of the movie, but when he comes to blows with one of the movie's heroes, he bonks him on the head and lets him live for reasons never explained.

On top of that, the characters have no problem letting a little kid play games that promote Satan.  The mother encourages it.  Which is silly, but who am I to judge?  It just seems that at some point, society would have shown this shitty little kid the difference between right and wrong.  And for the kid to continue accepting that everything he and SatanKiller is doing is fun and pretend...well...he'd have to be really effing stupid.  At one point the team (kid and killer) terrorize a grocery store and then ram a grocery cart into old people, handicapped people, and a baby carriage.  AND he watches the killer feel up his sister (who he also has an unhealthy infatuation with).

I feel like this movie is probably for juggalos only.  Trenchcoats and metal and crap.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.  It's just not for me.

But seriously, the kid yells "BOOBIES!!" when he sister is getting felt up by his "buddy."

The Vagrant (1992)
Genre:  Psychological Thriller/Horror Comedy
Format:  DVD

Ho-lee Crap.  This is freaking awesome.  I bought this movie as part of the Scream Factory All Night Horror Marathon, and I really didn't know what to expect from it.  All I knew was that Bill Paxton was screaming on the cover.  And honestly?  I'm glad I didn't have any sort of expectations for this movie, because it really snuck up on me and tickled me in a place that I haven't been tickled in for quite a while.

That should be your takeaway for this movie.  "It tickled Paul in a weird place."

It's funny.  It's gross.  It's surprisingly gory and dark.  It's something you really ought to watch, and it deserves more awareness.

The gist here is that Bill Paxton is a hardworking dork who moves to New Mexico for work.  He works hard to impress his fiancee, his boss, and his friends.  And when he overextends himself by purchasing a big house, his troubles are doubled when he discovers that the house is occasionally occupied by a homeless man.  And the pressures of juggling a strained, long-distance relationship, a high-pressure job, a heavy house payment, and an invasive bum begin to make Bill Paxton freak out in that classic Paxton manner.

The level of awesome gets cranked up to 11 when Michael Ironside comes on the scene as a detective who things Paxton might be creating the entire scenario as a cover for his own murderous inclinations.  Repeat: Michael Ironside!

Marshall Bell plays the vagrant in question, and the movie goes for a very wild ride for the third act.  It reminds me of Raising Arizona filtered through The Intruder and directed by Sam Raimi.  In fact, after watching the movie, I would have sworn that Sam Raimi played some part in the film's direction.

This was such a surprise strike that it might be my favorite of this year's films.  The 4-Pack DVD sells for less than $10, so if you have some moolah to burn, know that it would be well-spent for this movie alone.

Virgin Witch (1972)
Genre:  Witches (?)...and sex
Format:  Netflix Streaming

This is the kind of movie that helps you realize that you're almost at the bottom of the barrel.  It also helps put some of the other movies you've watched into perspective.  Virgin Witch is a 1 a.m. "Skinemax" remake of an American Horror Story: Coven story arc.

Two sisters leave their conservative small town and head for the big city.  One sister dreams of modeling, and she meets a talent agent that is secretly a lesbian witch cult leader.  Well, she's actually Assistant TO the Witch Cult Leader.  And she's a lesbian.  THESE ARE ESSENTIAL TO THE "STORY" SO PAY ATTENTION.

Non-model sister is apprehensive when model-sister decides to go to the talent agent's isolated, country estate for a "photo shoot," so she tags along for the work/vacation.  While they're at the countryside cult estate, they get involved in sex cult politics and do witchy things.  It is bad.  But the kind of "bad" that I would have stayed up until 4 a.m. to watch when I was 12.

The Spell (1977)
Genre:  Witches
Format:  Netflix Streaming

This was one in a string of crappy 70s movies that I watched and kind of forget.  I remember there being some cool stuff that threatened to happen along the way, but it just..didn't.  I think I read somewhere that this movie was made for TV, so I can forgive it for that.  In fact, I can afford it a little charm for that reason.

The premise here is very similar to the story of Stephen King's Carrie.  I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that this movie was a direct response to the success of Carrie.  I just don't even want to spend any more time on this.  There's a neat twist at the end, and we even get one cool death scene.  But, just don't.

Mortuary (1983)
Genre:  Slasher
Format:  VHS

It's odd when you can say a movie is both flat and uneven, but fun at the same time.  That's where Mortuary sits.  It's pretty silly, but altogether worth watching.  The movie is centered around an attractive young woman who is trying to wrap her head around the fact that she witnessed her father's murder...she thinks.  She might have dreamed it.  Or it might have been hypnotically suggested by a weird cult.

If this sounds like an extreme episode of Geraldo, you might be onto something, because a lot of other 80's stuff happens in this movie, too.  Roller rinks.  Cut-off sweaters.  Bill Paxton.  But more importantly, there's a caped killer going around and whacking people.

The movie is a lot of fun once it settles on being a slasher.  The biggest shortcoming is the lack of consistent direction.  Sure, there is fun to be had with red herrings, but there's a little bit too much going on for too much of the movie.  And it's not all done that well, either.  Come for the goofy Bill Paxton overacting, but stay for the competition between the mother and daughter having a competition to see who can expose the most lingerie cleavage.

!!DOUBLE FEATURE REVIEW!!
Count Yorga, Vampire (1970)  Return of Count Yorga (1971)
Genre:  Vampires
Format:  Netflix Streaming

COUNT YORGA DOUBLE FEATURE!!
Wikipedia tells me that the Count Yorga movies are two of the first to feature a vampire living in modern times ("modern" meaning 1970s).  That's pretty important, right?  And the movies were released by American International Pictures, so that should give you a sense of the quality of these films (think Poe-era Roger Corman movies).  One important note to keep in mind is that the first film was supposed to be a porn, but the actor playing Count Yorga was influential enough to make it a straight-up horror film.

V-Neck t-shirts were actually invented by vampires

The women in these movies are beautiful, even if the death scenes aren't.  The deaths are creative sometimes (Yorga steps on a priest to drown him in quicksand!!), and even kids aren't safe when they're involved.

The characters involved in the films are sympathetic enough to keep you engaged, and at one point even Coach (Craig T. Nelson) gets involved as a goofy cop.  There's some well-used humor sprinkled throughout, so even though these are gothic horror themes, the movies don't take themselves too seriously.  They're scary enough, but not too scary.  These would be great first-vampire movies for someone new to the scene, or someone taking their first steps to rehab after getting involved in the Twilight series.

"Twilight?"

The Horror Show (1989)
Genre:  Slasher
Format:  Netflix Streaming

There's a lot of good stuff happening in this movie.  IcyJones has a good write-up of the movie here, so I'll just add a little bit to the review.

I have been watching a lot of crummy movies recently, and this one was a nice change.  It had recognizable stars (Lance Henriksen and Brion James).  There was a budget for special effects.  The script wasn't terrible.  And there was a legit sense of humor throughout the film.  It was a much needed change of pace for me.

The movie is flawed.  I can't imagine there are many people that can defend it in its entirety.  But there's a lot of good stuff happening here.  The movie doesn't take itself too seriously, and that's ok.

The Evictors (1979)
Genre:  Ghost Story/Slasher
Format:  Netflix Streaming

The short description of this movie on Netflix makes it sound like it has a lot of potential.  And the opening minutes of the film make it look promising, too (bank robbers get trapped by cops in their home and die in a shootout...so they'll DEFINITELY make for vengeful spirits...right?).  And it stars Michael Parks (Kill Bill, Red State), so it should be a slam dunk

But it is a steaming pile in the vein of The Town That Dreaded Sundown.  The movie is paced extremely slow, and the final act is very unsatisfying.  I wouldn't go out of my way to watch this movie if I was you.

The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Genre:  Haunted House
Format:  Netflix Streaming

I love this stuff.  Mid-70s, Gothic horror.  Genuine scares in a haunted house.  Black cats jumping from the shadows.  Roddy McDowall.  Creepy mansion/castle place.  JACKPOT!

Shout Factory recently released this on Blu-ray, and it's a fun enough haunted house movie that I might have to add it to my collection sooner or later.  For now, I'm very satisfied to find it on Netflix.

And one of the cooler aspects of this film is that it doesn't have a whole lot of special effects.  And they just didn't need them.  The movie is directed and paced so that the viewer is always seeing something lurking in the corner but never quite in the foreground.  There was really only one point that I thought the movie got a little too silly:  "Let's cleanse the house by plugging in this energy-purifier....OH NO!  SOMEONE UNPLUGGED THE GHOST PURIFIER!!"  That's not exactly what happens, but you can imagine where I'm going.

If you don't have any other movies lined up this Halloween season, let this one take you for a ride.  It's worth it.

BONUS MATERIAL:
My buddy Mike has been e-mailing me some brief reviews of horror movies he's been watching this fall.  I enjoyed them so much that I asked for his permission to include them on my own blog.  He conceded, so here are some of Mike's horror movie reviews for 2014:

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976) - Mike's Rating: Lots of potential but very slow and very boring - 3/10

The Craft (1996) - Mike's Rating: Fun story & 90's nostalgia - 7/10

The InnKeepers (2011) - Mike's Rating: Lots of time needed for the set-up, terrifying ending - 7/10

The Sacrament (2013) - Mike's Rating: Not what I expected from Ti West. It felt like a documentary with a dark subject - not a horror movie - 4/10

Detention (2011) - Very fun. A Scott Pilgrim-ish teen horror film - 8/10

The Woman in Black (2012) - Mike's Rating: Awesome gothic horror story, creepy haunted house and a scary ghost - 8.5/10

The Crazies (2010) - Mike's Rating: An hour and a half Justified episode with violent zombie-like country folk - 8/10

A Haunting in Connecticut (2009) - Mikes Rating: Not how I remembered it. Definitely scarier the first time. 2nd time = Kind of cheesy - 5/10

I hope he keeps those coming.  That's some good stuff.
If you're looking for more horror reviews, don't hesitate to check out IcyJones' reviews, too.
It seems like more and more of us are watching these movies, so if you have something you'd like to see reviewed, or if you'd like to share your own, send me an e-mail.