Bad Ass: Michael Ironside

Did you know that Michael Ironside is a character actor?  You might say "well, duh, that makes sense."  But
what you're not acknowledging is that he stays in character in between takes.  OK...still not impressed?  Well take into consideration the characters that Michael Ironside plays, and now tell me that's not one of the scariest thoughts you've ever considered.

Admittedly, I was sheltered from many movies as a kid.  The first time I crossed the path of Mr. Ironside
was in Starship Troopers.  Before you dump this blog post, please keep in mind that I recognize I had missed some of the best Ironside roles by this point.  You know, I'll even go a step further by admitting that I'm not sure I've ever seen an Ironside movie in a theater!  It's a damned shame, and I'll be the first to admit it.  But don't take a dump in my Cheerios yet.  Know that I was so impressed with Jean Raczsak that I took note of him and admired him in every other movie I caught him in.

That includes, but is not limited to, his role in Total Recall.  In that movie, he plays the classic anti-villain.  He's a cool bad guy, but you still get the impression that, given the opportunity, he'd rather be a good guy, shtupping the cheerleader, fighting for justice.  Somewhere along the way, paths got crossed, and - well - without getting too far into it, his story is probably a better one than Quaid-Hauser's.  Definitely more Mickey Spillane-ish, anyhow (which would be right up my alley).

Before I had ever seen the movie Scanners, I was familiar with the exploding brain scene.  If you've ever e-mailed with me, you've been exposed to a .gif file of that scene.  It's one of the coolest effects I've ever seen in or out of a movie.  My friends and I often use the phrase "mind blown" or some derivative thereof.  Naturally, that .gif has worked its way into many a virtual conversation with me.  So, you shouldn't be surprised when I say that this year, when I finally sat down and watched a copy of Scanners, my mind was blown in half when I learned that Michael Ironside was the cause for said cranial detonation.  Granted, Scanners was a movie for its time (one movie worth being remade), but Ironside's performance (and also this picture) are worth the price of admission.  He plays an evil badass, a genuine badass, but you still empathize with him just a little bit.

To be completely honest, though, it was my recent viewing of the Visiting Hours (1982) on Netflix that made me look at Michael Ironside in a new light.  In that movie, he's a sublime cocktail of Anthony Perkins in Psycho, Jack Nicholson in The Shining, and Michael Myers from Halloween, all filtered through Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.  He's a scary mother fucker that acts like he could bed any woman in the bar, beat any dude in a ranch house arm wrestling tournament, hold his hand over an open flame longer than anyone else, and drink anyone and everyone under the table while simultaneously beating everyone at checkers.

Recently, he turned up in one of my favorite television series, Justified, and though he doesn't carry the same weight as he used to, he still reflected that essence of badass.  Seeing him appear in a role so perfect for his time made me realize how ashamed I am that I haven't been preaching the gospel of Ironside for years at this point.  I don't doubt that Michael Ironside is doing well somewhere, probably close to a campfire and a motorcycle, probably scaring children and grandchildren with stories filtered through his gravelly, macho voice (he does the voice of Batman for cartoons), probably clad in lots of denim.  But I'd like to think that if the fates dealt an unfair hand to Mr. Ironside, he could rob me or hold me at gunpoint.  And I wouldn't stammer or flinch.  I would recognize his craft and applaud.  Then I would probably be punctured and penniless, but I would still have seen a master doing his craft.

In an earlier post, I made note of how badass Nick Nolte is for having the middle name King.  Well, how
effing badass is Michael Ironside for having the last name Ironside.  When you think of that name, you automatically attribute an "s" to the surname, making his Michael Ironsides.  That's incorrect, but in a way, it's so right!  Old Ironsides is a nickname Americans have given to the USS Constitution, the oldest commissioned US warship afloat (maritime baddassery!).  It's not an aircraft carrier, though it does have many 44 cannons, and it's not the fastest ship on the sea (though it was for its time).  In many ways, the USS Constitution could have taken its name from Michael Ironside, and it would have seemed...appropriate.

Michael Ironside, someday, if I ever meet you, I'll buy your drinks for the night just for the sake of listening to your stories.  If you told me you'd been a member of a cult in the early 70s, I'd believe you.  If you told me the Mothman Prophecy was actually based on you, done, I'd swear it was the God's Honest.  You've entertained me on many an occasion, and I thank you, sir.  You are a badass.