Tito - Not The Pizza

So Friday night I went out with Gia (Jersey Girl from Spain) and her friends around Hoboken (which is actually a very nice city opposite the Hudson River from NYC). We had sushi, grabbed some alcohol, went back to her friends place and pre-partied before going to a sports bar.

In my infinite wisdom, I got a big bottle of Maker's Mark and decided to show these people how to drink bourbon. And I drank too much of it.

But, before I crossed that line...before I went "full retard"....I got a text message.

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+18622416345

Apr 9, 2010 10:21:11 PM

tito

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I didn't recognize the number in my phone, and usually that is because someone is texting me via my Google Voice number. And because Google Voice in turn gives people weird numbers with weird area codes, I figured this was either Pat or Dave texting me via their Google Voice account. And I thought they were taunting me with stories about my favorite pizza from Louisville.

So, I get a text that says, "Tito." And thinking it was a friend, I texted back.

"Damn it! That sounds awesome!"

Then I got this response:

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+18622416345

Apr 9, 2010 10:22:51 PM

n*****. what u talkin about?

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It should have started to dawn on me that this was not David at this point, and probably not Pat. Still, I was working my way toward a drunk on, and I thought I was playing around with a friend.

SIDEBAR: for some reason, when I don't answer my phone now, my best friends leave me the most disparaging voice mails.

Just totally soul-crushing voice mails that question my sexuality, my relationships, my legal status as a US citizen, etc.

So, keeping in mind that my friends are getting pretty ruthless on voicemails, again, I thought it was Pat or Dave giving me a hard time. So I say:

"Jersey has much better food than a Tito. The Tito was probably ripped off from someone here in NJ."

Just taunting. Nothing too derogatory.

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+18622416345

Apr 9, 2010 10:28:46 PM

n**** wtf u make no sense

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And, seriously, I'm not unused to be people telling me I make no sense. This happens on just about a daily basis.

"YOU make no sense!"

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+18622416345

Apr 9, 2010 10:28:46 PM

n**** this aint tito who is this

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And then I figured it out.

"You have the wrong number. Stop texting me."

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+18622416345

Apr 9, 2010 10:9:45 PM

iight

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So there it is. For ten minutes I was flirting with disaster and I didn't even know it. In hindsight it sounds like the skit before the Master P hit "Make 'Em Say Uhhh... (Na Na Na Na)." I have no idea who I was talking to, male or female, but I can confirm that it was not a discussion about pizza.

Its also funny to me that I thought this was Dave or Pat using the "n" word. It's not one I use lightly, even when it ends with "A." When I put this on the blog, I will edit that so I don't look like an ignorant racist. That is how sensitive I am about it. So to think that I was letting it ride because it was either Dave or Pat is kind of silly.

And I haven't settled yet on whether or not I'm ok with having a phone number so close to someone named Tito. I can't figure out if its a good thing or a bad thing. And I don't know if its my NJ phone number or my KY phone number. There's no telling. But somewhere out there, I imagine someone named Tito is getting derogatory text messages from my friends, and he's thinking "who the hell is sending me these weird text messages."

So, the moral of the story is, make sure you have the right number in your phone before you start messing with someone.